I'm a quitter.
Being a quitter isn't exactly a quality that people take pride in. You've probably grown up believing that quitting is bad and that you should simply "push through" the uncomfortable situations you're in. That's what I always believed, but I've learned that's not always the case. At 23 years old, I've quit several things in my life -- ballet, ice skating lessons, organizations, relationships...the list goes on. It's apart of life but, in this case, quitting is pretty bittersweet.
For months, I've contemplated the decision to quit my job and pursue blogging full-time. Not only had my plate been extremely full, but the idea of working rather than writing a blog post or filming a new video just didn't seem exciting anymore. Towards the end of each week, I'd end up swamped with work because the rest of my days were filled with my other projects. I soon began to realize that my personal brand was taking a serious backseat to everything else and it kind of bugged me. Plus, everything was difficult to balance and I was a wreck. Finishing two degrees, family life, a very long-term relationship, a growing social life and multiple jobs/projects including my blog...it was a lot.
"I'm going to quit this week, I'm going to quit this week" was something I began mumbling to myself religiously.
Stress began to take over, I never got a full night of sleep, anxiety attacks occurred often, and being on the computer literally all day took a toll on my body physically. It was a terrible feeling to have on a day-to-day basis, but fear was an even worse feeling that continuously held me back.
What if I don't have enough money saved? What if blogging full-time doesn't work out? What if I fall on my ass? Blah, blah, blah...
A few weeks prior to making my final decision, I sent an email to my manager expressing my interest in resigning, but in much more vague words. *ping* She quickly responded. Luckily, she didn't exactly understand my email and what I was saying, so I took that as an opportunity to let fear take over once again and I didn't responded any further.
I continued working for a few more weeks when I received a concerned email from my manager about my previous work week while in New York City -- I'd worked below the required minimum hours. She was so sweet and willing to help me out in any way she could, but I decided to just go ahead make my move. I quit. Most college graduates try to find a job following graduation and here I am quitting mine. Even though it killed me to leave behind an amazing job and clients that I'd assisted for almost two years, it was something I had to do for myself.
Keyword: MYSELF. I've always worried myself wondering what people will think of me or how they will react. I try my hardest to consider others and not be selfish, but I've heard that in your 20s is the best time to be selfish.
Reading other bloggers' inspiring stories about how they quit their jobs and began blogging full-time became my favorite thing to read about, but the greatest piece of wisdom I was given was in a Facebook group I'm in for Black female bloggers. I knew there were plenty of women in the group who blogged full-time, so I felt it was the perfect place to ask and learn from others. It was something along the lines of:
If you only run your blog part-time, then you'll only know how your blog will run part-time. If you don't give yourself the opportunity to blog full-time, you may never see its full potential.
The opportunities I've been afforded through my platform as a part-time blogger have been AMAZING, so I'm eager to see where I can go now after almost 3 1/2 years in the game. From flying out of Dallas to host H&M openings to filming Target social media videos in Los Angeles, each opportunity has been mind-blowing and surreal. I'm excited to see what opportunities come along now as I focus on giving my brand my 100%.
Luckily in the months leading up to my recent decisions, I've received a great amount of support from my family and friends. My family continuously tells me how proud they are of everything I've done (which damn near makes me want to burst into tears every time) and my boyfriend of 7 years has helped me remain sane during my toughest times, but one of the people I'm most appreciative of is my last remaining best friend.
Unfortunately with each move I've ever made, friends and support have been equally and quickly lost, so I cherish this friendship...because good, long-lasting friends are hard to come by.
Friends who still support you no matter what decisions you make, how far you go in life, even though you may be veering in different directions, and don't just drop you because you may not necessarily benefit them as much anymore are like unicorns -- the rarity is real.
But bottomline, I appreciate anyone who has been here and continues to support. I see you.
I'll admit that it's a very scary change and huge leap to make, but I'm ready to see where God takes me next on this journey. I trust Him. Whether full-time blogging is truly for me or not, I feel deep in my soul that I'm supposed to at least give it a try...so I'm taking pride in my decision.